My wife (SW) and I have been talking about this whole situation (shocked?).
There are two separate decisions that will be made this week. At first, I thought they would be one and the same. I don’t think they are.
The first decision belongs to the elders. Will they remove E from leadership? That decision is out of my hands. The elders have to man-up and figure out what they are going to do. I told M that they need to consider that apart from whether I continue as their pastor. They have to decide.
The second decision belongs to SW and me. If E is removed, would we stay. This is, actually, a fairly complex issue. If M had made some moves back when I spoke to him the first time or the second time, there would be no question. I would not have even turned in my resignation. But he did not and I did.
Now I need some assurance these guys are willing to let me lead. At first brush it might seem it is an obvious conclusion by the removal of E. The problem is there are years of sick behavior they have stood by and watched without even raising an eyebrow. How will they lead now? Will they lead with compassion, or will their own victimization make them into bullies themselves. It happens all the time in other areas of life.
It is well documented, hostages often become sympathetic to their captors. Sometimes they are even hostile to their liberators–accusing them of mistreating the captors. Stockholm Syndrome. I wonder if our leaders have a bit of that.
We already have a planned meeting on Wednesday evening at my house. Dinner and a discussion about a book we have all read. If E is gone, I will have them over and we will talk. My job will be to figure out where they are.
S is another matter.
He has been marginalized by the whole group, but marginalized because E fed them a lot of info. I am not sure S would return under any circumstances. I have invited him to join us on Wednesday. Hopefully there can be some first moves of healing on all sides (elders, mine, S’s). God knows we could use it.
So, if you are inclined to pray for me, please do. I need God’s help making this decision. I need far more help than simply a decision, but that is a good place to begin.
If you are inclined to pray for SW, please do. She has to deal with me and my darkness as well as the church.
“Blessed are the peacemakers”
“Who knows but what God has raised you up for just such a time as this”
Not sure you’re going to be able to determine whether M is the moral equivalent of Patty Hurst until things have a chance to play themselves out a bit. It seems like that could take more than one or two “get togethers”. (Or not – depending on how things go.)
In any case, I don’t think you should be too quick to discount the possibility that you have a divinely ordained role is facilitating restoration and healing if the opportunity arises. (Actually, I don’t see you acting precipitously, that would be out of character, just wanted an excuse to use the word “precipitously” to see how it looked.)
Yep. We are thinking the same thing.
I will be praying God shows me exactly what He is doing. But the truth is, He rarely does that. Ok, never, but I am still praying.
It also needs to be very clear that E’s blood is not on your hands. Equally as important is that the elders don’t file his departure away under “employ this event to leverage against the pastor”.
Agreed. I am going to bring out a basin and wash my hands right there in front of them….
Just kidding.
You are absolutely right. If they think I got rid of him, I am sunk on the next round. They have to KNOW he doesn’t belong.
Shepherd, maybe this is the real reason the Lord sent you where you are.
I’m pretty sure this has already crossed your mind,just thinking uot loud.