It has been a week since my last post. Life seems to be settling down into a routine for me.
I think a lot about pastoral things. I visit people who are sick. I pray with people who are in need. I talk to people who need a friend.
I think and do a lot of pastoral things, but the thing I don’t do much of is the stuff that related me to God. I am not praying. I am not studying the Bible. I am not even thinking very deeply about God.
I go to church. I can still talk about theological things. But it is different.
I asked EJ, my daughter, if this had changed her view of God. She said it didn’t, but it changed how she looks at people. I think that is just as damaging.
She’s right, of course. It has changed how I look at people. Trust will be slower. Words are more weighed. I struggle to even carry on a conversation at times. I don’t know who to trust.
Trust. That is what I need to give back to God. It is what I will have for people when the wounds heal a bit more. I need healing.