Circling Matthew 6:25ff

Don’t worry.  Don’t be anxious.  Seek first the Kingdom and all these things…

I have been sitting in my office staring at a screen for a long time.  I am not even sure how long.  Things just circulating in my head and not stopping.  I’ll list them, maybe that will help.

1.  Last Sunday was one of my daughter’s birthday.  We had one grandmother in from out of town, we went to lunch after church.  No party.  My mother comes into my office today dejected because we didn’t invite her to the birthday celebrations.  I didn’t even know we had a birthday celebration.  Now I feel bad that I didn’t invite my mom.  I feel bad we didn’t even do anything really for my daughter’s birthday.  My mom is pouting about it.  I feel like a bad son and a bad dad.  Sheesh.

2.  The elders gave me a self evaluation to fill out before they review me.  I spent three hours on it yesterday.  I know the things I want to say, I don’t know how to say them.  I don’t know if I whitewash things and pretend everything is fine and then let conversation bring it out or if I tell what I think and let the cards fall.

3.  DHS, Church, daughter.  Wash, rinse, repeat.  We keep having prayer meetings to pray for the predator.  We still don’t give a rip about the TWO victims we know about.  We still don’t even acknowledge that we have a history now of sexually based assault here.  DHS is coming to interview everyone, but I don’t know when.  In the mean time, I really don’t know what my daughter is thinking because I am so busy with all the other stuff.

4.  IRS.  I don’t think I have even talked about this on here.  We accidentally didn’t hit the send button on our taxes in 2009.  2010 was so complex we took our taxes to an accountant.  Our records were in such disarray that it has taken the accountant 6 months to figure out what to do and we still don’t know.  The penalties and interest tick up every day.  My wife handles all of that and it is completely out of my hands.  It is driving me absolutely insane.

5.  Business.  We run a business that provides the income we need to survive.  It is also the only safety net I have if/when this ministry goes south.  My wife runs it and doesn’t like running it.  We are trying to find ways to relieve the pressure on her of running the business and still keep it viable.  If we mess up, we will be in deep …..  I might be better to scrap the whole ministry thing and focus here.

6.  Relationships.  All of this stuff strains all of my relationships–wife, kids, mother, etc.  I look at worry #6 and I think, “These are the most important…” But then I remember that I have 1-5 and probably 7-1,000,000 that if I don’t take care of, it will all fold like a house of cards anyway.

Those are the top 6 things circling Matthew 6 right now.  I guess #7 should be disobedience to God for worrying over all this stuff.  I am not sure I am the healthiest one in my house….

oh, and BTW, I haven’t even begun to write about all the conspiracy theories going in my head.  I am thinking I am seeing black helicopters and aliens taking me away….. (for those who don’t know me…that was a joke….)