What Matters?

I look over my posts to this blog and I am thinking that I sound like a whiner.

Let me toss a couple thoughts out.

First, I may be a whiner but, I think this really is a difficult ministry. I don’t honestly know why I had any thought it wouldn’t be.

Second. I want to spend my life in a way that matters. Worrying about E and what he will do next is not something that matters. Arguing about sugar packets is not something that matters.

I spent years and years and tens of thousand dollars equipping myself to serve in a significant way, yet these meaningless things make me wish I could just spend the rest of my days as a greeter at walmart. I actually wouldn’t be that good at greeting. Perhaps I could be one of those guys that sits in a toll booth and reads books while he waits on cars to come by.

Maybe I am a whiner.

A good friend of mine said, “if you can do anything other than ministry, do.”. For years i didn’t think I could. Now I wonder.

Posted in Personal | 4 Comments

E is Moving

No not relocating, moving. He has begun his moving forward with making S take time off. He met with S the day I left town to ask him to “pray” about this. It is for his own good and the good of S’s family.

That is pure garbage.

Now, he is accelerating the whole matter. I am not sure where it is going. I am not sure what to do.

My gut says it is time to meet with the chairman of the elders. I don’t know if he is safe. He is safer than E. If I try to stop E from making this power play and fail, then I guess it is the end of this blog because E will make his move on S and move me out at the same time.

If I let E bully someone else–someone for whom I serve as pastor and boss–what kind of real credibility do I have?

I don’t believe I have the track record with the lead elder to sway him to deal with E.

So if I go to M, I will likely lose my job. If I don’t, I may lose my soul.

God, where do I go?

Posted in General, Leadership, Personal | 4 Comments

Blessed are the Meek

I sincerely hope Jesus was right. I think the meek get crucified.

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Preacher Speak

People say they can get on a subway and tell the hearts of the people. I have heard preachers say it for years, ‘I can see the emptiness in their eyes.’ I don’t know what they see because they look normal to me. I wouldn’t say they look joyful, but they look normal. Some happy, some sad.

I think it may be one of those things preachers say to make the world look bad. It doesn’t really need our help. There are plenty of terrible things out there, but to make it a ‘look’ is much more than can be said.

I wonder if those preachers ever look out at their own crowd. My experience is that church often looks quite ‘normal’ as well. There are more ‘happy’ people there than on the subway, but only because the subway doesn’t expect us to put on a face for them.

Perhaps preachers use this as a way to say, ‘look alive, out there.’

It is a lot of pressure.

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House over Hallmark

House is a Fox television show about an arrogant doctor who leads the diagnostic department of a fictitious hospital.  He is crude, direct, and very interesting.  The show is ostensibly about House and his team of physicians working to figure out the most difficult medical cases that come into the hospital.  The show is really about the most difficult issues in society.

They deal with genocide, God, parental issues, sexual issues, relational problems, friendship, etc.  They approach it entirely from a worldly perspective, but handle things reasonably evenly.

They never tie things up neatly.  The really tough issues in our world don’t resolve.  That is why they are tough issues.

Hallmark, on the other hand, resolves everything.  Whatever difficulties arise, they are quickly and neatly solved.

I can only take so much Hallmark.  It just rings hollow.

I want my preaching to be House preaching.  I want to say the things that need to be said, even if it is not popular.  I want to let issues be as tough as they are.  I want to discuss them, add my understanding to them, but I don’t want to resolve the unresolvable.

Posted in General | 1 Comment

Evangelism

This has probably been hashed and rehashed a million times, but I have never seen it done from the perspective of a pastor.

Salesman EvangelismWhen I was growing up, “Evangelism” meant knocking on doors and “Sharing the Gospel” like someone sells a vacuum.  We used Evangelism Explosion.  It cheapened the Gospel to a negotiation of features and benefits.  Push, push, push, close the deal, move on.  You could knock on doors, meet at restaurants, converse on planes–always the same–two questions, benefits, features, objections, cute stories, close the deal, move on.

When I was in seminary, “Evangelism” meant making friends in order that you can “Share the Gospel” with them.  We plotted ways to meet people and strategies to get them to like us and plans on how to transition to tell them about God.  It sounded like such an improvement over the previous method, I thought it was exactly what was needed.  It was real evangelism.  Then I met J.

J was a student at a school where W, my wife, attended.  J befriended W in class and they had a number of meaningful discussions.  He was single and W was enjoying his friendship.  She invited him to our home for dinner.  We had a good meal together and then he began talking about the business he was in.  It was very lucrative and he would like to see if we were interested in partnering with him.  We were very interested.  We were poor college students, after all.  We made arrangements, and J came back to tell us about his business.  He sold Amway.  We knew we were set up.

The friendship was a sham.  It was just a vehicle to share with us the gospel of Amway.  We felt cheap.  Used.  Taken.

I knew immediately the Gospel was not meant to be a bait and catch game.  Friendship could not be the bait that draws people in so we could catch them for Jesus and then cast our hook out again.  That cheapened both friendship and the Gospel like prostitution cheapens sex.

The answer, of course, is really being a friend and continuing the friendship whether or not it ever results in a countable conversion.  The answer is living as salt and light in the world and really loving the world in which we live.

The problem with that model is it doesn’t produce very good stats.

If you are a salesman, you can talk about “calls” you make.  If you are a friendship evangelist, you can talk about people with whom you are “building a relationship” and what stage those relationships are in the process.  Both salesman evangelists and friendship evangelists can count their conversions.

If you are a pastor, those conversions are proof you are doing your job.  You can go to conferences and say, “We baptized 100 people this year–that is almost two a week.”  You can stand in front of the church and put up charts and show you are winning the crusades against the community.

But if you are salt and light, the conversions don’t stack up quite the same.  They don’t look like deals closing or the end of a Gospel process–they just look like changed lives.  You might even stop talking about, “Conversions” and start talking about people who are closer to Jesus than they were a year ago.  You might not even talk about it at all.  You might just live and be.

Living and being don’t look good on a monthly ministry report.

Don’t misunderstand me.  I am not against evangelism.  I want to spread the word of Jesus.  I just think real evangelism happens as a parable and not as a pitch.  A pitch is an infomercial trying to persuade someone out of something and into something else.  A parable is a story laid alongside another story, and the stories take on greater meaning.  Evangelism tells the story that changes our stories.

Evangelists live the story.

I will never be a good salesman.  I detest friendships with purpose.  But I can live my life and change the lives around me.

Posted in Church Life, Theology | 1 Comment

On the Job

You will remember my lunch appointment with E from yesterday.  These are some follow-up thoughts.

E is disappointed in one of our staff members because E doesn’t think he spends enough (or the right kind of) time with his family.  The staff member is a part-time servant who leads our worship.

E wants to make him take a month off to think about how he is leading his family.  Take it off with pay.  E’s point is that S (our worship guy) works too much and that the ministry effects his family negatively.  If it can’t be reversed, it is time to let S go because that is what is best for S.  Noble, isn’t he.

I dare not tell him that ministry has absolutely been a detriment to my family.  My relationship with my wife is more strained.  My children see me less.  I carry a huge burden of stress that I wouldn’t have if it were not for the church.  I am snappy.  I am tired.

It has not always been that way, but it is now.

But should they furlough me for my own good?

What E doesn’t understand is that ministry is not simply a clock in and out job.  There are aspects of this job that are pure work.  Like meeting with E.  And there are aspects of this job that are pure joy.  Like preaching, teaching and interacting with people.

The things that are joy are the reason I do what I do.  The other aspects are the reason I would not do this without a paycheck.  The joyful aspects of my role here are the things that come out of who I am and are not simply what I do.  I read, contemplate, love, etc because those things are in the DNA God gave me.  I administrate, listen to complaints, approve budgets, and meet with E because I need a job.

I dream of a day when I don’t need a job.

Back to S.  90% of S’s job is the stuff that gives him joy (I am sure he meets with E sometimes too…hence the 10%).  He serves and leads worship because that is who he is and who God made him to be.  He practices and plans with his guitar sitting on a piano bench with his oldest daughter playing and others of his family singing along.  It is who he is and how he relates to God.

To make him take time off because E thinks it is best for him doesn’t help him be more fulfilled in his family, it makes him less fulfilled with God.

I have voiced my objection.  I need to make sure it is heard among the rest of the elders.  E will win.  He is an elder and I am not.  He is a faster talker, bigger bully than I am.  It saddens me.

Posted in Leadership | 2 Comments