Coaching

Posted on March 9, 2011 by shepherd

I met with a “ministry coach” today.  We just met, I wasn’t looking for a coach.

From what it sounds like, a “ministry coach” is another name for what the another in vogue wave called a “mentor.”  It sounds a little like what we used to call, “Friends.”

I guess people in the ministry need to pay people to listen to them and encourage them.  Maybe it is because they need a pastor.  That is kind of what pastors do.

Maybe I could be a freelance pastor.

I took a little surf on ministry coaching.  $3600/ year which includes a personality test, a two hour phone conversation and then another 30 minutes a month for a year.  I could do that.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.  People pay that?

I have some free friends I would put up against these pros!

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Crazy

Posted on March 8, 2011 by shepherd

I have had the opportunity to share my story with several people in person.  I must sound completely nuts.

Someone wake me.  I think I am dreaming.

I wish.  I don’t even dream in these dark colors.

Father, may the craziness that consumes our lives right now not destroy the faith I have in You or your goodness.  May it not undo the work You have done in me.

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Bully’s Tune

Posted on March 6, 2011 by shepherd

One of my kids reminded me of a song by Michael Card.  It is a song for children.  I needed it.

Especially headed to church.

The Bully’s Tune

These are the clothes that you must wear
And this is how you should cut your hair
You’ll act just like we tell you to
You’d better give up and dance to the bully’s tune

As he sings this simple, stupid song
You’d better give up and go along
You’ll look just like some sad cartoon
Cause that’s your life when you dance to the bully’s tune

We played a song, you did not dance
We sang a dirge, this is your last chance
To do just what we tell you to
You’d better wise up and dance to the bully’s tune

The more you see you know it’s true
The world will tell you what to do
But don’t give ear to the big baboon
And don’t give in and dance to the bully’s tune

He’ll play his song but don’t you dance
He’ll sing a dirge but there’s not a chance
That you’ll do what he tells you to
Cause you won’t listen, no you won’t listen
No you refuse to dance to the bully’s tune

 

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I Could Be Wrong

Posted on March 3, 2011 by shepherd

It occurs to me, I could be wrong.

I could be mistaking tough love for abuse.  Telling parents they are responsible for the rape of their daughter–love or abuse?  Saying, “Your daughter should have sounded the alarm on the rapist.”–love or abuse?

I could be mistaking shepherding for bullying.  Telling people who disagree with a decision to submit and don’t question–shepherding or bullying?  To volunteers who want to serve, “I don’t think you are ready [worthy] to serve, I’ll let you know when I think you are.”–shepherding or bullying?  Telling another elder, “I thought I told you to stop greeting every Sunday, didn’t I see you there last Sunday?  Can’t you find someone else?”–shepherding or bullying.

I could be mistaking leadership for arrogance.  Emailing a rant in response to an email asking elders to reconsider a decision made saying when he speaks, it is final.  No appeal.  No changing.–leadership or arrogance?  Plotting ways to pull ministries and projects from other elders so they will know they don’t have any power–leadership or arrogance?  Shouting, “Submit!” anytime someone dares say, “Why?”–leadership or arrogance?

I could be wrong.  I don’t think so.

Posted in Leadership, Nuts | 4 Comments

The Family Meeting

Posted on March 2, 2011 by shepherd

We told our children we were going to have a family meeting.  They knew something was up.

We told them about E and about the bullying he was doing.  Get this.  They knew immediately who he was!  They knew because they had seen his work in the lives of other people at church.  I was blown away.  Amazing what they understand.

My middle child asked, “Do we know if E is allergic to any foods?”

Love that kid.

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What’s the Big Deal?

Posted on March 2, 2011 by shepherd

It occurs to me that in all of this frustration, people might wonder what the big deal is.

Early on in my blog, I wrote about Sugar Packets and Paper Cups and then wrote about it again Here.  That whole interaction with B (the elder concerned about the sugar packets) was frustrating and completely irritating, but it was just run of the mill church stuff.  Every church has defenders of the sugar packets.  That is no big deal.  I have dealt with such foolishness all of my career.  This is different.

At first blush, one might think this is simply about a staff member being given some time off with pay.  What is the big deal, right?  This is not that.

This is about one man, E, who is bullying his way through the church staff and elders.  It is about one guy who is on a power trip that makes the Pope look impotent.

This is about a guy who has taken the rape of a child and made it into a way to put her parents to shame.  He has taken a violent tragedy and turned it into a spiritually violent event.  He wants me to sign on with him.  I won’t.

To me, this is about defending the weak, shepherding the church, protecting the flock from a wolf.

He is a wolf.  He baas like a sheep, he has fluffy hair like a sheep.  But he has teeth like a wolf.

 

 

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Email

Posted on March 2, 2011 by shepherd

Seems like the day to make posts.

I voiced concern that we are making a decision for the church that is not wise.  (E is demanding that not only do “we” send S on sabbatical, but  also that we say nothing about it.  So S will just be gone and no one is supposed to notice or worry that he is gone.  If we don’t communicate, people will just trust that they don’t need to know anything about why their worship leader is absent for 5 weeks).  I said that we need to communicate — actually, have S communicate with the congregation that he is taking a sabbatical.

Anyway, because I voiced that to the elders, E just sent a condescending email telling me to kindly keep my opinion to myself because he, the great one with authority, has spoken and once he has spoken, the matter is completely settled. (I am not exaggerating…crazy, I know).

I have written an email to M, the chairman of the elders, pointing out the foolishness of this policy of when E (or any of the elders) speaks, there can be no other voice.  I think he thinks he is the Pope.  This email could well be the end of my ministry here.

I have been sitting here with the email on my screen for over an hour.  I need to push send.  It is important for the church.  What does it mean for my family?

I think I am going to throw up.

Posted in Leadership, Nuts | 5 Comments