Last night at the elders meeting we talked for a long time about the “incident” at church. The one where my daughter’s friend was assaulted and the one a couple weeks ago where my daughter was assaulted.
12 year old girls who have to deal with a predator who wants to grab their breasts.
We went the entire meeting talking about how the church was going to treat the boy. We didn’t want people to talk bad about the boy. We wanted to make sure we were trying to help him. We worried about his salvation. We lamented that this might scar him.
At one point, M wrung his hands and said, “I just can’t believe, with what the Bible says about gossip, that we still gossip. That really bothers me.”
I said, “You know what bothers me?” I paused? Everyone looked at me. “That we would have little girls molested in our building on multiple occasions by multiple predators.”
Grumble, grumble; acknowledge that is a bad thing; back to talking about helping the boy.
In the end, we prayed. Long, loving prayers about the nagging coughs, hernia surgeries, and great aunts with toenail fungus. Passionate prayer about the boy and his family.
Nothing about the victims.
We shepherd wolves and let the sheep be eaten.
It is unfortunate, but that is exactly what happened with us. It is a constant struggle at times for me to be in this body. If it weren’t for the Shepherd and his wife and a few other couple (like 3)…we would’ve left deeply hurt. We still deal with the silence and the lack of care that has happened, and still happens. It makes me sick sometimes. There are wolves among the sheep, the most innocent of the sheep in fact, and somehow they are the ones that don’t get noticed. When will this church wake up to the need for mercy and compassion? Not just for the wolf but the victims?! I mean really?! Pardon my rant but I am still angry that our family was pushed to the fringe and it was our daughter who was raped and sexually abused! Silence can kill sometimes. Kill respect, self worth, fragile faith….I am off my box now. Sorry, I am still healing and sometimes it just isn’t pretty or neat. Most times, it’s ugly and hard.
A cynic could begin to question why they have so much compassion for the ones abusing.
Poor poor predator… Bastard!
so did R collapse as well?
R was solid. He is playing his chips very carefully. He pushed for and got disclosure to the congregation that something happened and we are doing something about it.
you know in St. Louis I think it was, The elders complained to RP that some of her kids were dancing in the hallway. I was teaching Rv a basic waltz step. Now it seems that dancing around is a required skill for pastoes and elders both
Appalling.
BTW: one way to be sure that gossip spreads out of control is to “stonewall” any inquiry about matters that may potentially have an adverse effect on families and individuals.
To be fair, since most of the board doesn’t seem to have any particular concern for the victims in this matter, I can see why they would want to downplay the story. After all, if this place becomes known as a haven for pedophiles it might impact attendance and cash flow. As one of my heroes once observed, ” – - stupid is as stupid does.”
Hasn’t this been the trend in our culture as a whole? To be much more concerned about protecting the evil doer rather than the victim? More concern for the rights of the abuser than of the abused? Anyone heard of a certain Penn football team?
And hasn’t the wider church been in the same situation for years? Just look at the numerous abusers being outed in the Catholic church, and the way the Catholic church covered up the abusers’ crimes while doing nothing for the abused. And certainly the Catholic church is not the only religious group who has done this!
Protect the innocent, not the criminal.
Ezekiel (IIRC) has a lot to say about shepherds (not you, Shepherd!) who abuse the sheep. I think your elders need to examine themselves to see if they don’t fit that description and warrant the punishment!