Pastoral Relationships

I just finished two meetings over coffee and about to go to a third.

The first was a church member.  The second was the first time meeting a pastoral colleague.  The third will be with an elder at church.  Which is safe?

The answer to the question is, “There is no way of telling.”

The first person asked me, “Are you happy here?”

The second person wanted to talk theology.

The third person requested the meeting.

It is hard to tell when someone is legitimately trying to connect with you and when someone is trying to get information for another purpose.

I believe the first person really wanted to know, but who knows?  If I say, “Yes,” I am being less than honest.  If I say, “No,” where will it go?  Will it be the kind of thing that will bite me?

The second person was as worried as I was about the safety of the conversation.  We both gave bits of truth to see how the other reacted.  We both calculated the risk.  I think we found it safe enough to talk again.  We will see.

The third is dangerous.  I have huge amounts of respect for him on a number of different levels.  What scares me are things he has publicly said to the congregation.  He has told them it is the job of the elders to make sure I have all the right doctrine and if I veer off, they should immediately get rid of me.  That sounds so noble.  It is not.  It is cruel.  Who determines right doctrine?  What if I say, “I believe it is not a sin to drink a glass of wine?”  One elder believes it is.  Another does not.  Do they fire me?

In ministry, over the years, I have longed for and found good friends.  It just takes a while to determine who those friends should be.