Going to War

Posted on March 1, 2011 by shepherd

E does not want me to be friends with the church staff.  He says, “You can’t be someone’s boss and their friend–what would you do if you had to fire them?”

E says that if I discuss anything negative about an elder, he will fire me.  Ok.

I violated both.

Yesterday, I had coffee with one of our staff members, T.  T is one of the ones E is gunning for.  He shared frustration with E.  I decided I didn’t care what E said and I was honest with T.  We talked frankly about how dangerous E is and imagined a church without bullies.

T listed a number of people, including the former pastor, who left largely because E was such a jerk to them.  How can one person cause so much trouble?

Then T told me that if we needed to go to war, he was in.

War is not what I want, nor am I willing to go to war.  It is not that this is not worthy of a fight.  It is.  It is just that I am not willing to go to war.  It is not something noble or good, it is just that I don’t know that I have it in me.

I appreciate T’s willingness.  It is good to know I am not alone.

Posted in Church Life, Leadership | 3 Comments

Authority

Posted on March 1, 2011 by shepherd

I guess if one is an elder he can decide anything he wants and then demand everyone submit to him.

Isn’t that how the Gentiles do it?

Posted in General | Leave a comment

Shame

Posted on March 1, 2011 by shepherd

I moved here from a good church.  It wasn’t perfect, and we were ready for a change, but it was a good church.  The people loved us.  The church was healthy.

Today, my wife asked if I had called B, a friend from the church.  He is an elder and a good friend.  We served together for a decade and he knows me and my ministry as well as anyone on the planet.  Have I called him?  No.  Not for a couple months.

The reason?  Simple.  I am ashamed.

I am embarrassed to call him and tell him the ministry here is in trouble.

I know.  I know. I know this is not my fault.  I know this a poison elder damaging a good church.  It just feels so much like a failure.

I can’t call.

Posted in Leadership, Personal | 4 Comments

People.

Posted on February 26, 2011 by shepherd

Apologies to anyone who reads regularly, life has been so crazy, I haven’t had much time to write.  So let me sum it up with four interactions.

First, I met with M and shared my concerns about E.  He listened.  He sees E’s belligerence and would like to see us make some incremental changes. I think he knew, but now he knows who E is.  The question is whether he will do anything about it.  He sticks by the elders decision to send S on a sabbatical for a while to help “get his family in order.”  He didn’t get that all of the information he has regarding S’s situation is through the eyes of E.  No one even talked to S.

“Getting his family in order,” is code for, “Letting E decide whether he thinks S should come back.”  What is the mess in S’s house?  His daughter was raped by someone at the church and she has anxiety at church.  She is making progress, but E thinks it should be instant and complete.  Also, S should be without pain.

Second, we had an elders meeting.  It is, apparently, time for a review of my performance.  We discussed S’s sabbatical, I expressed my frustration at not being in the communication loop with the whole process.  I told them that I was completely against how they were dealing with S–that I thought it was counterproductive for S and his family.  They said they had prayed and this was the right path.  I feel a little like Jeremiah 14.  The end result, if people ask anything about S’s absence, I am to respond that, “We decided it was a good idea for S.”

Third, I met with E.  He spun everything well.  He should work in Washington.

Fourth, and lastly, I met with a friend.  For the first time, I shared with someone what was going on here.  It was refreshing to speak with someone from the outside who could tell me I wasn’t just crazy.  He was a glass of cold water.

Posted in General, Leadership, Personal | 7 Comments

“Rabboni,” Kiss

Posted on February 19, 2011 by shepherd

Under the guise of help, E has pushed his agenda through the elders and S is taking a sabbatical.

It is supposedly so S can have some peaceful rest for himself and his family, but it is the exact opposite.

E twisted the words heard as he played the role of a friend to trap S and make him look weak and unqualified to lead.  Kiss.

I am sad.  I am angry.  I am frustrated.

Posted in Church Life, Leadership, Nuts | 3 Comments

Categorize Me

Posted on February 18, 2011 by shepherd

Conservative or Liberal?

All of my life, I have identified myself as a conservative. This week, someone said to me, “You seem like an odd choice for _______ church – I would have expected someone more conservative.”

Over the last week, I had plenty of opportunity to visit with this woman about all kinds of spiritual issues. I asked what she meant. She said, “it is just that your ideas about some key things seem, well, liberal.”. Specifically, she meant my position towards war, drinking of alcohol, acceptance of other Christian faith traditions, and a few other things.

I don’t think of myself as liberal, I think of myself as Christian.

War. I think it a tragic evil. Yes, I think there is a place for it in our world, but it is not something to be a point of pride, but shame. That it is glorified by Christians and churches just makes the tragedy even greater. The church is about helping people to restore the fractured image of God. War is about degrading that image in the one on both sides of the gun. I am not conservative. I am not liberal. I am a Christian.

Alcohol. As I have already written about, the church whee I am serving is largely in the “Jesus really drank only Welch’s grape juice, and so should we” crowd. I think that is silly. Jesus turned water into wine. I believe that. That doesn’t even strike me in the liberal/conservative level, it simply hits at an intellectually honest level. But, my friend was right, it is certainly seen on that level. I am not conservative. I am not liberal. I am a Christian.

Other faith traditions. I don’t think it is unique to this church, or is denomination to think we have a corner on the truth. For some reason some people find it necessary to find the smallest differences between different churches and make that reason to cast the other in a less than Christian light. We may agree on 99% of Christian doctrine, but that last 1% is worth dividing over. I don’t buy it. Not even for a minute. I wish I knew I had all of my doctrine and interpretations correct. But I actually know the opposite. I can’t expect every else to have theirs perfect. I wouldn’t know it if I saw it. I am not conservative. I am not liberal. I am a Christian.

As to the other stuff….I guess I would rather follow Jesus than try to fit into any kind of label. I am pretty sure I don’t fit in either camp well. I am pretty sure my friend doesn’t either. I am absolutely certain Jesus would offend all sides. It is just who He is.

I am with Him.

Posted in Personal | 2 Comments

Trusting Without Understanding

Posted on February 18, 2011 by shepherd

A few years ago I went through a crisis of faith. There were several friction points for me, but the crisis centered around the conquest narratives in the Old Testament.

I had been asked to teach a class through Joshua. Initially, I agreed, but when I started doing the initial reading through the book, I was shocked how violent it was. I had, of course, read and studied it many, many times, but for some reason, I had never seen it with these eyes before. This time I read it with eyes that saw genocide. The worst part of it was God was the One who initiated it.

I consulted with the elders. They gave me the Sunday school answers I had heard all my life. “Those people, like all people were deserving of death. They were lost anyway.” “God was simply protecting the purity of His people.”. None of that is comforting to me. It doesn’t even really make sense to me anymore.

This week it makes even less sense.

This week, I met, face to face, a survivor of genocide. It was actually a family who had fled their home with the hope of escaping the terror and violence. The family was missing several members. A couple were slaughtered with machetes and another executed in the street. They are committed followers of Jesus.

As I listened to their story unfold, I could not help but wonder if somewhere there was someone recounting their experience hacking the life out of another human being as a some kind of holy cleansing. I felt sick.

I have not solved the issues of genocide in Scripture. If I do, I have a feeling I could sell a lot of books.

When I first wandered through this faithless wilderness, I rediscovered faith, so I knew where to go this time.

I found faith in Jesus. I don’t mean faith in believing in Jesus. I already believed that. I found faith in Jesus. 1 John 4:16 says we have come to know and believe the love God has for us. We know love. We know the God who loved us so much He was willing to become one of us that He might show us the depth and breadth of His grace.

Grace demonstrated on a cross.

If God is willing (and He was and is) to give His own life for me, a Gentile sinner, then I am willing to trust He knows what He is doing. Because of Jesus who is Emmanuel, I have faith.

I don’t pretend this solves the issue. It does not. I am just ok saying i don’t understand. I don’t approve either. But like a child who must trust his parent, I trust God knows more than I do.

I can’t comfort this family broken by genocide with the protection of God. I can, however, rejoice with them that God loves them. I believe that.

That is as good as I can do. I hope it is enough.

Posted in Personal, Theology | 2 Comments