Hello, my name is S…

Posted on March 19, 2011 by S

…and I was bullied. But I am no longer! (reserved happy dance… no, who am I kidding, UNHINDERED HAPPY DANCE!!!!) I am honored to be part of this conversation. My journey is a tale of its own and I look forward to sharing where I, we (family) have been and what is coming.

But first a little about me. I was the worship leader/minister of ___ for nearly 8 years. I am still a worship leader, my congregation is just a little smaller now. :) My family has been part of ___ for 20 years, our faith DNA was formed here by many a good person, and a few not so good people.

I’ve known about God since birth, being born into a missionary family leaves very little chance of not hearing about God. :) I have been a follower of Christ for 30+ years. I have been a disciple of Christ for the last 15 to 20. I am a husband, father, friend, poet, song writer, and musician.  Music has always been instrumental in my life (sorry, couldn’t resist). My wife T and I have 3 wonderful children; one has been broken and one has a chronic illness. We only see the beauty of God in them, restoring them and sustaining them.

We are not anxious about tomorrow, nor do we fret of the lost income. We have seen real love, we have tasted real hope, we have felt the arms of comfort. I’ll save the details for a later post. Ask me questions, I will answer. Give me guidance, I will listen. Pray with me, I am grateful.

S

Posted in General | 5 Comments

Two Decisions

Posted on March 19, 2011 by shepherd

My wife (SW) and I have been talking about this whole situation (shocked?).

There are two separate decisions that will be made this week.  At first, I thought they would be one and the same.  I don’t think they are.

The first decision belongs to the elders.  Will they remove E from leadership?  That decision is out of my hands.  The elders have to man-up and figure out what they are going to do.  I told M that they need to consider that apart from whether I continue as their pastor.  They have to decide.

The second decision belongs to SW and me.  If E is removed, would we stay.  This is, actually, a fairly complex issue.  If M had made some moves back when I spoke to him the first time or the second time, there would be no question.  I would not have even turned in my resignation.  But he did not and I did.

Now I need some assurance these guys are willing to let me lead.  At first brush it might seem it is an obvious conclusion by the removal of E.  The problem is there are years of sick behavior they have stood by and watched without even raising an eyebrow.  How will they lead now?  Will they lead with compassion, or will their own victimization make them into bullies themselves.  It happens all the time in other areas of life.

It is well documented, hostages often become sympathetic to their captors.  Sometimes they are even hostile to their liberators–accusing them of mistreating the captors.  Stockholm Syndrome.  I wonder if our leaders have a bit of that.

We already have a planned meeting on Wednesday evening at my house.  Dinner and a discussion about a book we have all read.  If E is gone, I will have them over and we will talk.  My job will be to figure out where they are.

S is another matter.

He has been marginalized by the whole group, but marginalized because E fed them a lot of info.  I am not sure S would return under any circumstances.  I have invited him to join us on Wednesday.  Hopefully there can be some first moves of healing on all sides (elders, mine, S’s).  God knows we could use it.

So, if you are inclined to pray for me, please do.  I need God’s help making this decision.  I need far more help than simply a decision, but that is a good place to begin.

If you are inclined to pray for SW, please do.  She has to deal with me and my darkness as well as the church.

Posted in Leadership, Personal | 6 Comments

Forgiveness

Posted on March 17, 2011 by shepherd

I have a friend who wrote and said, “I hope you can forgive E.”

I guess I hope so too.

I know I am supposed to forgive.  I am not sure what that looks like.

Does it look like waving when we pass on the road?  I think I can do that.

Does it look like smiling at church?  I think I can do that.

Does it look like having a conversation?  I don’t know if I can do that.

Does it look like serving together as leaders?  I don’t think I can do that.

Does it look like coffee?  I don’t know if I can do that.

Does it look like friendship?  I don’t think I can do that.

He crucified me.  I don’t think I could do that either at least not on purpose.

I am pretty sure crucifixion is what forgiveness looks like.

Jesus did.

Posted in Personal | 2 Comments

Hope?

Posted on March 17, 2011 by shepherd

M (the chairman of the elders–remember him?) called me today to make sure I was “on” for Sunday.  He sounded like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.  We hung up and I went to see him.

He was completely distraught.  He hadn’t slept.Prayer

I didn’t go to hear what he was thinking or what he was planning.  I really just wanted to sit with him to remind him he was not alone.  I needed to know that too, actually.

We just sat there a long time.  We talked around stuff.  I didn’t ask anything.  But then he began to talk–really talk.

He is genuinely sorry for what is going on.  He has heard these complaints about E for years.  He kept sending people to E to speak to him directly.  Now he understands, they couldn’t.  He sees, those people are largely absent from the congregation.  He sees what E is doing to the elders.  He is seeing what E has done to S.

Then he dropped the bomb.

Monday, he is going to give E the opportunity to resign.  If E does not resign, M will move to have the other elders remove him from leadership.  He looked down and said, “If they don’t remove him…” M paused for a long time, “I will resign myself.  This can’t go on.”

Wow.

We prayed.  I left.

Now I have hope–at least a little.  God could be changing everything….again.

 

Posted in General | 2 Comments

Exciting New Author

Posted on March 17, 2011 by shepherd

Today S handed in his resignation and became just what he has been all along, my friend.  No longer a co-worker at a dangerous church, but just a friend.

So I sent him a link to this blog.  :)  I figured, he was writing this story right along with me.  Then I gave him a log in and invited him to write here.

S has a lot of insight and a lot of story to share.

S has been the worship leader at the church for about 5 years or so and knows this place better than do I.

Everyone say “hi” and we’ll see where this goes with two of us writing.

Posted in Personal | 3 Comments

The Identity Search

Posted on March 17, 2011 by shepherd

I am sitting in my office at “work.”  I just wrote my article for the bulletin.  I am putting together my powerpoint.  Like nothing happened.

But in my soul, I know I don’t belong here.

Next week, I will start sorting that stuff out.  Should be interesting.

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One more Resignation

Posted on March 17, 2011 by shepherd

I just found out that S has decided to resign as well.

It is best for his family.  What he told me is that he has a meeting with E tonight and he can’t handle meeting with him again.  I gave my blessing (which he did not need, btw)

It feels a little like E wins.  But I think in the end it will not be so.

It seems like I read a story once about the forces of evil winning.  Everything changed a few days later.

That is the power I am counting on.  Not for my job, but for my soul.

Posted in General | 1 Comment