For the first time in weeks, I am looking forward to preaching.
I am excited. Hopefully it will go well. This coming week, the elders have given me some time off and one of the other pastors will preach next week.
I am looking forward for some unplugged time.
My wife is headed up to take a shower. We have guests coming for dinner.
A and A are leaders in our youth ministry–volunteers who fell under E’s tyranny. We haven’t invited them because of that, but because the youth ministry is suffering and is very discouraging for them. Tonight is a night to encourage them. We want to tell them they are valuable to the Kingdom. We want them to know their service does not go unnoticed.
Last night, I went out with a man whose family is looking to leave the church. They have felt like the church is not meeting their needs. We talked about Kingdom things and about how they could better connect with the church and how the church could help them.
This feels very much like ministry. It is ministry nearly gone, now revived.
Last night’s meeting went well.
There were some tense places where it is obvious we have some real differences in approach to openness in church leadership, but what I saw were men. They were fully human and gracious.
I don’t know where everything will go from here. I know S is back on board. I am still employed. And the elders are different people.
If you ask me, that sounds like a recipe for good things.
The meal and communion with the elders was fantastic! To a man they took responsibility for the way I and my family have been treated by E and how he miss-represented me and my family to them. I needed to hear that. A lot of time was spent tonight listening to my story. I needed them to hear that. We talked about withdrawing my resignation… With E no longer in authority I can and will serve with this body of believers. I see this group of elders differently now. God is in control.
~ S
You might notice (unless you are completely blind) that we are changing the look around here.
I loved the old theme, but it didn’t show who the author was. As long as I was the only author, that didn’t matter, but since S joined us….
In any event, it will take me a few days to make this look and feel like home again, so pardon the dust.
Tonight Shepherd, M, B, R, M (the other M) and me are all meeting over dinner and communion to discuss the past couple of years and the years ahead. 
Will I stay on is on the plate and so is the needs of my family going forward. I’m not sure if there are any easy answers to the topics tonight. Trusting in the Good Shepherd.
Tonight is the big meeting. This is the one after removing E from leadership. This is the one where I make the call as to whether I rescind my resignation or keep it as written.
The meeting is at my house, over dinner. I intend to have on the table, bread and wine (ok, really juice, but hey, this is a religious piece and we call it wine even though it is not, even knowing that if we left it out just a few hours, it would be, but God help us if a drop of alcohol passes our lips….) We will eat our soup and then break the bread and drink the wine while we talk about the church.
The bread and wine remind us that we are dealing with something of huge importance–the body and blood of Jesus.
How do I decide if I stay or if I go?
I have made a list of things. I have checked my list over and over.
My list is useless. I have not organized the meeting as a meeting. A meeting is not what we need.
We don’t need a list of criteria. We need something more.
I need to see these guys are human. I need them to corporately back away from the bullying of E. I need them to recognize their own frailty. I need to see them stop being “elders” and start being men.
I wish I knew that would be the case. For years, they have been untouchable. They have to come down from their pedestal.
So, my litmus test is humanity.
…………
Follow up….Am I nuts? We need better criteria than that! I need my lists.
