I Snapped

This is not going to be a pretty or profound write-up.  We’ll have to settle for a write-up.  My life has been so stinking busy that I haven’t even had time to sit down and write, though I have a couple in the works that will likely show up some day.

Today was interesting.

It began when B (the sugar packet elder) came in to my office, shut the door and wanted to talk to me about an email he had received.  It was from T’s wife (whom we will call TW).  TW sent out an update on a number of different sick people in the congregation (prayer needs, of course) but sent the update to a scattered group within the church and of people who used to be at the church etc, etc.

No surprise.  She does it all the time.  I have talked to T about reigning her in several times.

The problem B had is that this was supposed to be going through our small groups.  That is the way this church has opted to share prayer requests.  His real problem is how sloppily it was done–not official, not complete, includes the wrong people, etc.

So we go and talk to T.  “T, you need to be the one to send out these things because you are the channel for this.”  “TW is perceived as coming from leadership and it needs to conform to the same standards as all church emails.”

T looked stunned.

Then it was mentioned that the passing of my wife’s grandmother was also in the email.  I pointed out one of the really important parts of being on staff at a church is handling confidentiality.  You don’t publish things you don’t have permission for.  That includes prayer requests.

My wife is a very private person and we let know the people who needed to know–which included T–and he let his wife send it all over the state.

He couldn’t believe anyone would be upset about having their information shared for a prayer request.  I said, “Why would you think that?  People have different levels of comfort with private information.”

B left.  I continued the conversation.

T told me he was blindsided because TW had permission from M, the elder’s chairman, to send out emails for prayer to the people who are not in small groups.

I was quiet for a second as I processed it.

She did it again.  This is the third time she has come to me, gotten one answer and then tried to go above my head to get another.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

I lost it then.  I told him to get a reign on his wife.  I would not have her undermining me and told him it would not bode well for him if he could not get her under control.  I can’t work with someone who I worry if they are working against me.

It was long and ugly.

At one point T just got that “I care so much” look and said, “I guess we just have a difference in how we approach things–we just believe we are a family and ought to share everything in prayer.”

I said, “Maybe.  Let’s put that aside and say we just have a different approach.  Does TW also have a different approach to loyalty?  Does she think that going behind someone’s back to do what they asked you not to do is a good thing?  Does she think jumping rank is a good way to make her husband’s work place pleasant?”

His son is an executive pastor.  I asked him to talk to his son and find out how they would handle a staff wife who insisted on jumping rank and trying to get her ideas pushed ahead of the senior pastor.

I guess I snapped.

I told him it was because of his wife that I had to promote that stupid movie, “Courageous.”  I couldn’t believe we took the time and energy away from promoting small groups (HIS area) to promote a stupid movie.  If Coke put Jesus on their bottles, would we advertise for them?

He went home to talk to his wife.

B came back.  He wanted to call T to apologize for being too blunt.