Here is an interesting thought…
For years, our elders knew that E was treating people horribly. Abusing them, really. Many people came to M (chairman of the elders) to let him know how E was abusing them. M ignored them. He just told them to go talk to E about it. All the time, E was an elder. I can name off the top of my head 20 victims of E’s bullying. That is without even thinking about it. We were supposed to be quiet about E’s bullying. Surely if no one knows, no one will think the elders have shirked their responsibility.
A few years ago another bully, TL, began to sexually assault girls in our church. I know for certain of two. I am sure there were more. He raped one of them–S’s daughter. When the elders heard about it, under M’s leadership and E’s bullying, they instructed S and his family to shut up about it. They insisted that no matter what, S’s family not speak about it. That would be gossip. So the official corporate and spiritual leaders swept victims under the rug. No one knows the details, so it didn’t happen, right? No one knows of the repeated attacks in the building. No one knows of the threats of death and rape. No one knows of the list of present and future victims of this sex-offender in the church’s youth group. No one except the elders.
A new bully has emerged. SS.
SS has a history of violence. He has assaulted people in our building. SS held one kid against the wall by the throat. Another time, he kicked in a locked door at the church building simply because he was angry and wanted the prize behind the door (candy, I think). SF (I know the initials are confusing, but she is our student pastor) knew of these, and other incidents. She reported each one to the elders. Specifically, she reported them to E. She communicated her discomfort with this boy and his family over and over again. I guess the elders and E thought if they ignored the problem it would go away. I guess they thought if no one knew, there would be no responsibility. Because no one knows, right? Just the elders.
They were wrong. SS is 14 now. He is a man. He is strong. He has hormones.
Last night, SF called me to let me know there had been an “incident” at a jr. high event. SS had touched a girl inappropriately during a game of Sardines (a game of hide and seek in the dark). He groped a girl’s breasts multiple times. She said she was afraid he would rape her.
What should we do? We have a bit of a pattern of behavior from SS. We have a bit of a pattern of behavior among our leadership to sweep such things under the rug.
SF sent a message to the elders last night after we talked asking for them to step in. No response.
How many other victims?
I know of one more.
SF called me this morning. One of her sponsors called her this morning. Her son was aware of the incident last night and thought his mom should know that a few weeks ago at an overnighter the same thing happened to another girl. A 12 year old that I care very deeply about.
My daughter.
I wonder where this goes. I have a feeling it the rug has a lot of things beneath it. The elders are looking for a broom. I am looking for a lamp.
We received a response…from the newest elder, R. He has some sanity.
I hope that you have reported these incidents to the police, especially since you say you know “for certain.”
And to add to my last comment I’m terribly sorry to hear your daughter is a victim. I hit “post” too soon.
Natalie–thanks for your concern. The events were not traumatic, but were “awkward” and “creepy.” She will be fine. The real issue is what happens after this predator gets even more comfortable. He gropes now; what is next? He groped two; how many more are uncounted?
Shepherd,
Most police I know carry flashlights.
I will not stand by and have a predator roam free again…not when we know he is there. My daughter is a survivor, of something she never should’ve experienced…..If I need to be a voice of reason, I will be.
First regarding M: M is a coward and a control freak, period. These are two sides of the same malignant coin. The impulse to “stuff” bad news or anything else that threatens our neat, climate-controlled, self interest arises from fear – the kind of fear that perfect love casteth out. Such fear, entertained long enough, gives rise to cowardice (i.e. the devil wins).
When evil is ignored (or tolerated) to promote”peace” you can be sure that there is no comprehension of the vast grace that our God and Father has extended to His children and, consequently, no impetus to embrace His mercy and let the world’s chips fall where they may. M is, in the last analysis, a pathetic creature unwilling and unworthy of the considerable responsibility which has been given him.
As to your apprentice sexual predator: this MUST be addressed and sooner rather than later. This is an area where I am far better versed than I ever wanted to be and I can share a few facts that may help put things into prospective: 1. the recidivism rate among adult sexual predators is nearly 100%. (Shep’s home state now provides that certain sex offenders can be incarcerated indefinitely even if they have served the prescribed time for any crimes of which they have been convicted.) 2, The predator’s capacity for deceiving himself and (some) others is nearly limitless. (think Michael Jackson and Jerry Sandusky). 3. I am aware of NO evidence, scientific or anecdotal, that would indicate that these criminal tendencies are ever “outgrown” or get better on their own. 4. The kind of serial behavior we are talking about is not some semi-normal testosterone poisoning that teen-aged boys sometimes go through. It is evil behavior intended to hurt and humiliate and establish dominance. 5. Finally, you have heard, I’m sure, that “hurting people hurt people”. I have never known of an instance of sexual abuse such as you describe where the perpetrator was not, at some point in their life, subject to the same sort of abuse. It almost always “runs in the family”.
You have your work cut out for you but you need to be aware that if this is not addressed now there will be many more victims down the road. I am praying for you.
Wow, C. Where were you when we were going through this?! Oh yeah, @@@ ….wish you had been here in ***. My daughter is a survivor of rape and sexual abuse at the hands of an 18 year old man. He is currently serving 3 years and 3 months in prison for his crimes against our daughter and another girl. My daughter was 13 when the abuse began. I cannot tell you how many times we tried to get the facts set straight through this event in our lives. We were gag ordered by the elders in our church, M being one of them because of peace and gossip (misconstrued at best). We still live with the lingering effects of others gossiping and having our integrity questioned. I will not stand by in silence IF I am needed to be a voice of reason. This is enough of this chicken stance.