Recalculating.

For a number of years, I have used a GPS.

GPS.  Global Positioning System.  It is a little box that locates itself in the world and displays its location on a map displayed on the screen.  If you give it a destination, it will guide you there, turn-by-turn in an authoritative, female voice.

If you miss a turn–no matter how bad your mess up, she simply says, “Recalculating.”  Then she figures the best route to your destination from your present location.  If you make another wrong turn, “Recalculating.”

People like to talk about the will of God.  They say, “I want to be in the will of God.”  “God has a plan for my life.”  “This seems terrible right now, but I know God has a plan for all of it.”  “God knows what He is doing.”

I am not so sure.

I don’t doubt God knows where He wants me to go in life.  Heck, I basically know that.  I just doubt that He plans all of the little detours I make.

Some people think the detours are planned excursions.  All malady is, ultimately, a part of God’s plan.  W’s tumor is in God’s scheme of things.  My sin–in God’s plan.  My daughter’s assault–in God’s plan.

I don’t think so.  At least, somehow, I don’t want to believe God has a plan for my life and that plan is painful and full of tears.  I certainly would not wish that on my children.

I know.  God is wiser than I am.  He sees more than I do.  He loves more than I do.  So why does He make such stupid plans?

Some people think God has a particular route for us–a plan.  If we stray from it, we are “out of His will.”  The only reasonable thing to do is to fight our way back to where we strayed and get back on course.

The problem is, I’ve gone a long way off course and I am not sure my way back.  But I want to be “in God’s will.”  I want the blessing of God.

I surely don’t want W to suffer because I make dumb choices and get off course.

Truth is, I don’t think God works that way.  I don’t think He plans the terrible things in our lives to teach us.  I don’t think He yells at us until we get back on course.  I don’t think that is consistent with Him or with me.

I think all of these detours are moments where God whispers, “Recalculating.”  He doesn’t care where we are, He charts the course from there.

Right now, I am waiting on God to do a little recalculating.

W is in the hospital.  They took out about half the brain tumor which means they will have to do a little recalculating to get the rest.  It means I don’t know when, or if I get my wife back–actually, I don’t know this time and then I get to do this all over again.

God, I need a recalculation.